Dearest Kira and Luca,

We are in the middle of raising you through the most important part of your becoming a “human” (I put that in inverted commas, because you are not). Your dad is a rock star. Your mom is an undercover vigilante and if uncovered both of us will physically dismantle what is attempting to break you.

I have watched your dad. He crumbles at you kissing him, he longs for you to answer his attempts to play with you. Sometimes you do. Sometimes you don’t. The times you do, increases as you grow. He loves loving you and he loves investing in your learning. Under his guidance you have learnt to love growing seeds, love small creatures, love being outside and started to understand boundaries and rules, proper use of things and loving what you have.

I love you. I love your arms around my neck. I love the hugs and kisses. Luca, I was looking at your tiny fingers last night as we did our night feed. You are so perfect. Kira, this morning you walked out of your bedroom and you just wanted to be hugged. I will hug you until I cannot anymore. I love both of you. I love calculating your nutrients, I love making sure you took in enough fluids, I love thinking about what you need to learn next on your development.

We both have found ourselves in finding out who you are. You are still becoming and through you, so are we. We are grateful for you.

Please forgive when we lose focus. Please forgive us when we get tired and we forget that you just want to learn and explore. Your only conduit is us at times. We are silly grown-ups and we get tired out by our own anxious minds. My hope is that I heal fast enough to teach you another way.

We WILL play. We WILL dance so much you will beg me to stop. Before long you will be a teenager and just want to be in your room or with your friends. We have so little time…

But in the middle of all of this, your little arms around my neck, your sloppy kisses, your attempts at talking and your attempts at new feats… all of it inspires me to remember to keep growing and healing, to remember that we do not stop learning until we decide to.

I love both of you so much, and through you, learning to love your Dad even more too ❤

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